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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
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The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
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A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/16/(Mon) 18:35
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